a heart apart

have you finally stopped watching?

I’m going to make it

He was a masterpiece spun
across an etch-a-sketch,
always watching for earthquakes.
The face a storm set with eyes
spilling light like orange juice sunrise
and lips defined by liquid courage
and a side
of salt that came with a smile
saying he held hands preserving the dirt
for the day these blessed sheep would inherit the earth.

He had a sound to him,
seemed to resound round every movement
into a tune framing prophecies of the next second.
What followed was always the disappointment
of ordinary, like your cats playing piano,
like chimps on typewriters, neither
ever interested enough to compose
masterpieces by happy chance,
what mattered is you felt revelation coming
and it never did.

 He glowed so as to suggest
something odd with the lighting,
something off in the complexion,
something like silver shields catching lightning 
and vibrating with the dull hum of dead thunder.
 His words had a voice like power so you felt
even the stones were listening and the clouds bent
and the mountains had ears and the trees settled
with the stilled wind and you kept expecting
skies to fall and crack open with a mustard seed
the color of gold and the whole world.

You felt like he could reach out
and in one touch put you back together again,
but he never did. 

at the bottom of the rope
you met me hands full of hope,
said, “stand up, kid, keep your head up,
get up, keep walking, does the sun ever let up?
people wanna love you, will you let us
play a part in this, I know what it’s like
to spend your days alone in darkness,
forgetting what it felt like to feel alive,
let me help you remember there’s more to this
than what you feel inside, it’s a vibe,
just breathe in and out like the tide,
and float on, hope’s not gone,
it’s these moments that make hope strong.”

I said I’m sinking fast,
try to find a way out but my thinking cap’s crashed,
I mean this, I’m no phoenix, I’m dust to dust and ash to ash,
I know what’s passed is past but the present never lasts
so why do we get so attached to now, always becomes then,
I’m in that nightmare with rubber legs running from something
the one thing I was always chasing and facing the fact
is always harder than erasing the map back to where I was at
when I had the courage to do that.


 

help me

Give me one more try.
This is do or die
and it’s been too long
since I’ve felt alive. 

Feels like I don’t even exist anymore